2016 Malibu: This Is It

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 03/11/2015 at 19:40 • Filed to: None

1

12

So dramatic, top speed of 150 mph, ability to drive through over 700 muddy puddles while listing to Puddle of Mud. Behold unto the Malibu.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/11/2015 at 19:43

1

April Fools! It's a 2014 Malibu with a new face!

PS9 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/11/2015 at 19:44

2

What kind of war is it we're fighting if taking a Malibu into battle is considered a good option?...

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > PS9 03/11/2015 at 19:46

0

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/11/2015 at 19:47

2

0-60 in 3.0 sec, it can fly without wings and operates as both a fresh and salt water submersible vehicle. It runs on direct sunlight, no charger needed and its exhaust consists only of rainbows and unicorns.

PS9 > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 03/11/2015 at 19:50

2

April Fools!...on us. There is no 2016 Malibu. We're just gonna sell Camrys now in it's place because we know you're just gonna buy that anyway.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > PS9 03/11/2015 at 19:51

0

They would never do that, it would raise consumer expectations.

PS9 > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 03/11/2015 at 19:53

1

Not if we crap-ify them a bit. Swap the engine out for a iron duke and make a 3 speed manual the only transmission option.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > PS9 03/11/2015 at 19:57

1

Don't forget about the special Cobalt ignition, the special Sonic invisible braking package, and to top it off, let's use 2009ish Camry pedals and install thick aftermarket floor mats!

yamahog > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/11/2015 at 20:04

1

Real talk though, water trough is one of the more destructive tests. You can fuck up a lot of shit driving into X inches of water at Y mph, and apparently customers do it often enough to make it worth the overengineering required to pass.

War metaphors are so overdone and silly, though.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > yamahog 03/11/2015 at 20:05

2

It's the "I was just following the GPS" Test.

nafsucof > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/12/2015 at 09:49

0

hahaha they are unveiling the new 2016 Malibu while simultaneously advertising 5 for 2015 shoulda done 6 for 2016. Also a camouflaged car in a wind tunnel with all that masking?

Vimto > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/12/2015 at 21:28

1

April 1st seems like the absolute worst day to actually release a vehicle.